Sunday 23rd April 2017,

The Kissing Chronicles

The Kissing Chronicles

Photo Credit: Timothy Marsee


Make-out sessions in stairwells.  Faded memories of summer camp. Eyes closed playing 7 minutes in heaven. When was your first kiss? Did it involve teeth? Was it romantic, rushed, sweet, by accident, or stolen? Do you remember the taste, the feel or for that matter the persons name? Family doesn’t count, especially if it was inappropriate, so let’s not go there.

One thing I can say is that everyone kisses differently. Some kisses are soft, others hard and rough. Some men like to suck on your bottom lip while others suck your whole mouth in. Lest we forget tongue etiquette. You never want to use too much tongue, just enough to feel connected to the other person. Then again how much more “connected” can you be when you’re in someone else’s mouth?

Some people perfect their kiss before it even happens. I heard Justin Beiber made out with a wall. The common one in my day was the crease between your thumb and pointer finger, no judgments, no attachments, and you always assume you will do well. So here are a few stories that might make you chuckle…reminisce…or Kiss!

  •  I once had a sloppy kisser. I was a young, maybe 20 or so. He was a cop and we went out to eat at an Applebee’s restaurant close to my job. After lunch we decided to take a stroll in a nearby park. We held hands; conversing and exchanging jokes. We walked up these steep stairs and when we got to the top we kissed. Sounds romantic doesn’t it? So of course I expected it to be perfect. It wasn’t. He was horrible! At 25 years he could not kiss. Had no one told him? Why hadn’t an ex girlfriend coached him in the art of kissing? What a disappointment!  1. It was really wet. 2.  I had to wipe spit off of my chin every time he kissed me. He devoured my face. Sort of like a bear attacking a bee hive. I never saw him again. That was our first date and I thought it best to misplace his number.


  • One of my ex’s was Puerto Rican. He was tall and handsome with hair down his back. He had full juicy lips, dimples, and flushed cheeks. His kisses were rough and passionate like in those romance novels. You know, the ones we sneak away and read in the back of Barnes and Nobles, constantly skimming through until we hit steamy sex scenes, heaving bosoms, and ‘erect members’. His lips were soft and he always used tongue. He would suck on my lips and lobes, nibble on my ear, and always left hickey’s. I hated that. I’m not a 14 year old girl exchanging stories around a camp fire proudly sporting a red hickey. At the time, I was an educated college student who didn’t want fellow classmates or coworkers to know that I had gotten “some” the night before, let alone my mother.  We eventually broke up, tragically, like all first loves are supposed to. Though our world wind, though short lives relationships, were serial offenders.


  • The Kiss of Death. One drunken night I decided to visit an old friend. I was horny and he was available. I went to his place after a night out drinking with friends. We talked about work and all the things we were pursuing, our future goals and aspirations. Now he was that dude in high school always bragging about his “bed room skills.” I decided to put this to the test. I assumed that he had been told this by girls he’s been with. I thought kissing him would be great. So imagine you’re sitting in a dim room, the moon is the only light coming through the window. Now imagine you’re cleaning your house with a hose vacuum. You crank it up to the highest setting and placing it directly on your lips. Kissing him was like kissing a vacuum, very unpleasant, it hurt like hell, and my lips were raw after. They were almost bleeding. It took days to properly heal. Never again!!! i.e. the kiss of death.


When was your first kiss? Maybe you have a kissing horror story. Comment and share your Lip Locking Tale below!


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About The Author

Hi, I'm Anya Trent. All these articles are written by me. I hope you enjoy the site. Please like, comment, share and above all Enjoy!

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